Joined a BJJ gym in Moema to learn self-defense. 3 months in, I have 2 torn meniscus, cauliflower ears forming, and my coach told me "oss" after choking me unconscious for not washing my gi with organic soap.
Next stage is replacing all your meals with frozen açaí and speaking exclusively in Portuguese surfer slang even though you work in corporate accounting.
The California branch of this cult is even worse. They charge $350/month and make you bow to a framed picture of Helio Gracie before drinking kombucha.
Tape your fingers like an Egyptian mummy and get back on the tatame, the gi isn't going to sweat itself.
Bro got the authentic Chute Boxe welcome package. If your ribs don't click when you take a deep breath, did you even train?